How to build an IRL Community?
Get a quick glimpse into what it takes to build a thriving in-person community. Learn from Gerrit Dokter—an expert in IRL community building and creating solutions to tackle loneliness among Gen Z & Y
Tired of feeling disconnected in a hyperconnected world? You’re not alone. An IRL community can match your social needs and make your life full of joy with real friends in real life.
Hey, my name is Gerrit and I've spent hundreds of hours into the topic of community building, social isolation, loneliness and friendship - not just out of curiosity, but because I've experienced it myself. The good news? There are ways to create spaces where people feel seen, held and connected offline. And you can too.
In a world full of DMs, ghosting, and digital “followers,” one thing’s become crystal clear: people are craving real connection. The kind that happens offline. In real life. Right here, right now. But let’s be honest - how do you actually build an IRL community? Something more than a one-time meetup or a sleepy WhatsApp group that fades out after a few weeks?
This post is your launchpad if you’re serious about stepping up your IRL game. Whether it’s a running crew, a dinner club, or a female friendship circle, you’ll find more than just warm-and-fuzzy vibes here. We’re talking actionable insights - from research, from lived experience, and from people who’ve done it. Because IRL communities don’t just magically appear. They happen when someone’s bold enough to make the first move - and thoughtful enough to lay the groundwork for real connection.
Building an IRL community takes time and effort
Starting a community post-uni or after work? It’s usually a side hustle - and yeah, it is work. You’ve probably spotted some cool IRL communities on Instagram. Maybe you’ve joined a few events, felt the buzz, and now you’re fired up to start your own. It’s easy to romanticize. And hey, you can do it.
But here’s the truth: what looks simple from the outside can be exhausting behind the scenes. It can creep into full-time-job territory - caught somewhere between a passion project and total overwhelm. The thing is, we mostly see the ones that make it. The polished, visible ones. The rest? They stay behind the scenes. Quiet. Invisible.
To be honest: sometimes I felt lonely, but I learned to become more resilient in order to achieve my goals. After all, I want to grow personally and that doesn't happen in the comfort zone.
A sneak peak of IRL Community building
Here is an abridged overview of what it takes to strategically and successfully build an IRL community:
1. The starting point: Why, for whom, for what?
→ No community without a clear ‘why’
→ Target group analysis: Who do you really want to address?
→ The difference between pains, needs, interests and preferences
2. Concept development and positioning
→ The ‘Friendship Hook’: What really brings people together?
→ Offline first: Why IRL needs a different mindset
→ How to position your community emotionally (not just thematically)
3. Formats and experiences that connect
→ What is the lowest common denominator for real encounters?
→ Examples: Strolls, dinners, co-creation, silent walks
→ Rituals & repetition: the glue for IRL bonding
The complete brief overview you will find on my IRL Community Builder blog
4. The structure: from the first event to the community core
5. Community management in real life
6. Growth and visibility
7. Sustainability and self-protection
Thinking about starting your own IRL community?
This isn’t a quick hack or a weekend project - it’s a real commitment. It's more than just gathering people for an event. It’s about building something lasting. Something with roots. And yes, it can be challenging, but if you get it right, it’s incredibly rewarding.
I've been deep in the community-building game for a while now. But even after all that time, I couldn't find a in-person community for IRL community builders. So... I created one. For now just a digital one, because there aren’t many IRL Builder out there - at least not yet. We start connecting online, but in the future, we should build decentralized IRL Community Builder Hubs, where we can share ideas, collaborate, and just enjoy being in the same space. You're invited to join.
To be fully transparent: this is a project I really like, but also one I pour a lot of my free time into. So yes, there’s a monthly fee. But what you get in return? Connecting with IRL Builders, expert insight, structure, latest trends and formats, and a growing community of people who are just as serious about making something beautiful, lasting - and real.
If you’re curious, start small.
👉 Read my free blog posts for IRL community building.
👉 Grab a pro guide when you’re ready to go deeper.
👉 And keep an eye out - online classes are coming in the future.
I’ve got a lot in the works because I genuinely want to help people like you build stunning IRL communities, combating loneliness, connecting lovely people and even turn that into a living. The world needs more of them. Let’s make it happen.
Best,
Gerrit
Gerrit Dokter is an expert in IRL Community building, creating loneliness solutions for Gen Z and Y, and social entrepreneur based in Munich, Germany. When he’s not exploring the future of friendships and IRL connections, he’s probably diving into the latest research on loneliness, sharing knowledge about IRL community that sparks real-world connection, or curating unique experiences that bring people together. Say HEY on LinkedIn - he’s always up for a good conversation.